Enhancing Love maps and Nurturing Fondness and Admiration

NURTURING FONDNESS

This week I learned what a Love Map is and how to nurture fondness and admiration for my spouse. I had studied this concept briefly before, but it did not become clear to me at that time that it could apply to my own currently happy marriage on many different levels. Dr. Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, continues to intrigue me while prompting me as well to arrive at the conclusion that I still need to work on these particular aspects concerning my own marriage. No matter how happy a marriage may be, there is always room to nurture fondness and admiration for one another

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 QUOTES TO LIVE BY

“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” Elder Richard G. Scott

“The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth.” President Ezra Taft Benson

I appreciate President Benson’s specific insight about spiritual and emotional growth. The idea that we are in continual need of growth from within provides for a more eternal perspective. An eternal marriage is eternally growing.

Questions to Ponder:

How do we enhance our love maps? 

How in tune are we with our spouse? 

How well do we know one another? 

How connected are we in our marriages?

A Love Map can help us address all of these questions and formulate ideas for nurturing fondness and admiration for one another. Gottman suggests that the Love Map questionnaire that he provides in his book can be a fun game for couples to play that will help them assess their marital strengths and needs. I will include a  list of these questions at the bottom of this post. Please feel free to play this game with your spouse. I plan to play this game with my husband this weekend to see how a couple of 23 years measures up. Stay tuned!

Love Map Questionnaire:

Exercise 1: The Love Map 20 Questions Game

Play this game together in the spirit of laughter and gentle fun. The more you play, the more you’ll learn

about the love maps concept and how to apply it to your own relationship

 Step 1. Each of you should take a piece of paper and pen or pencil. Together, randomly decide

on twenty numbers between 1 and 60. Write the numbers down in a column on the left-hand side of

your paper.

 Step 2. Below is a list of numbered questions. Beginning with the top of your column, match the

numbers you chose with the corresponding question. Each of you should ask your partner this question.

If your partner answers correctly (you be the judge), he or she receives the number of points indicated

for that question, and you receive one point. If your partner answers incorrectly, neither of you receives

any points. The same rules apply when you answer. The winner is the person with the higher score after you’ve both answered all twenty questions.

1. Name my two closest friends. (2)

2. What is my favorite musical group, composer, or instrument? (2)

3. What was I wearing when we first met? (2)

4. Name one of my hobbies. (3)

5. Where was I born? (1)

6. What stress am I facing right now? (4)

7. Describe in detail what I did today, or yesterday. (4)

8. When is my birthday? (1)

9. What is the date of our anniversary? (1)

10. Who is my favorite relative? (2)

11. What is my fondest unrealized dream? (5)

12. What is my favorite flower? (2)

13. What is one of my greatest fears or disaster scenarios? (3)

14. What is my favorite time of day for lovemaking? (3)

15. What makes me feel most competent? (4)

16. What turns me on sexually? (3)

17. What is my favorite meal? (2)

18. What is my favorite way to spend an evening? (2)

19. What is my favorite color? (1)

20. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life? (4)

21. What kind of present would I like best? (2)

22. What was one of my best childhood experiences? (2)

23. What was my favorite vacation? (2)

24. What is one of my favorite weekend activities? (2)

25. Who is my greatest source of support (other than you)? (3)

26. What is my favorite sport? (2)

27. What do I most like to do with time off? (2)

28. What is one of my favorite weekend activities? (2)

29. What is my favorite getaway place? (3)

30. What is my favorite movie? (2)

31. What are some of the important events coming up in my life? How do I fell about them? (4)

32. What are some of my favorite ways to work out? (2)

33. Who was my best friend in childhood? (3)

34. What is one of my favorite magazines? (2)

35. Name one of my major rivals or “enemies.” (3)

36. What would I consider my ideal job? (4)

37. What do I fear the most? (4)

38. Who is my least favorite relative? (3)

39. What is my favorite Holiday? (2)

40. What kinds of books do I most like to read? (3)

41. What is my favorite TV show? (2)

42. Which side of the bed do I prefer? (2)

43. What am I most sad about? (4)

44. Name one of my concerns or worries. (4)

45. What medical problems do I worry about? (2)

46. What was my most embarrassing moment? (3)

47. What was my worst childhood experience? (3)

48. Name two of the people I most admire. (4)

49. Name my major rival or enemy. (3)

50. Of all the people we both know, who do I like the least? (3)

51. What is one of my favorite desserts? (2)

52. What is my social security number? (2)

53. Name one of my favorite novels. (2)

54. What is my favorite restaurant? (2)

55. What are two of my aspirations, hopes, wishes? (4)

56. Do I have secret ambition? What is it? (4)

57. What foods do I hate?

58. What is my favorite animal? (2)

59. What is my favorite song? (2)

60. Which sports team is my favorite? (2)

Play this game as frequently as you’d like. The more you play, the more you’ll come to understand the concept of a love map and the kind of information yours should include about your partner.

From The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PH.D.,