Humility and Repentance -Antidotes to Pride

Beware of Pride:

President Ezra Taft Benson wrote an insightful talk concerning pride (Beware of Pride) and the pitfalls that almost always accompany prideful thoughts and actions. John M. Gottman, PH.D., explains two types of marital conflict that stem from individual pride - solvable and perpetual. H. Wallace Goddard, PH.D., discusses the ways that we can overcome pride in our marriages through repentance and humility. Reading these words of wisdom over the past few days promoted deep thought and consideration about my own daily struggles to avoid pride. I am sure that we can all relate on some level. Satan wants us to be prideful. Pride is one of the greatest of the deadly sins.

Enmity:

President Benson taught that "the central feature of pride is enmity - enmity toward God, and enmity toward our fellowmen." Pride usually manifests itself when we are in direct competition with the will of God. Victims of pride cannot accept the will of God. They hope that God's will, instead, will adjust to their own. This applies in marriage as well. While I am not in the habit of resisting the will of God, I often hope that my husband's will can adjust to reflect my own. I need to rid myself of selfish pride and understand why my husband feels the way he does. Goddard outlines in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage that the antidote to pride is humility. I often forget to humble myself and think about my husband's feelings and thoughts on certain matters that concern me. By making more of an effort to humbly examine my husband's viewpoints, perhaps pride will not be one of my deadly sins.

 Solving Disagreements:

Disagreements can either be perpetual or solvable, according to Gottman'sThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. He offers five great ways for a married couple to solve issues that they may believe are perpetual in nature. These are the things he suggests:

1. Make sure your start-up is softer rather than harsh.

2. Learn the effective use of repair attempts.

3. Monitor your physiology during tense discussions for warning signs of flooding.

4. Learn how to compromise.

5. Become more tolerant of each others' imperfections.

My Thoughts:

I can certainly take these five bits of advice and implement them into my 23 year marriage. Although I am probably pretty good at #3, learn how to compromise, I could certainly benefit from making my start-ups a bit softer, get better at my use of repair attempts, watch for signs of flooding during tense discussions, and become more tolerant of my husband's imperfections. It appears that I have a great deal of work ahead of me in my relationship. It is a good relationship with very little volatility for the most part. However, after many years of marriage, we still experience tense moments when we don't do as Goddard suggests and strive for the Mind of Christ. Becoming more Christlike in our daily encounters by removing pride from our personal lives and more particularly in our marriage can keep our marriage strong and allows us to don the "robe of righteousness," as Goddard suggests.